Tis the season to be jolly but every year many of us find ourselves staggering through December in an alcoholic haze. In the spirit of Christmas The Channel brings you the ultimate party survival guide. So unless you’re planning to abstain or drink moderately (yeah right) try some of these useful tips.
Eat. Really, it’s not cheating, it’s called survival so load up on carbs. If you can’t manage that some people swear by swallowing a tablespoon of oil to coat the stomach.
* Vitamins. Given that alcohol depletes nutrients it’s a good idea to stock up in advance, in particular;
* Evening Primrose Oil – two teaspoons before
* Cysteine – a sulphur containing non-essential amino acid that can act as an antioxidant in the body, available at healthfood shops.
* Vitamin C – take one of the non-chewable kind before going out
* B-Vitamins – aids metabolizing process, helps dilate blood vessels and restores energy levels.
Take a high potency B complex supplement.
* Milk Thistle – helps improve liver function and, according to some, can dramatically reduce the effects of a hangover. Available in chemists and health food shops.
* Eat. Even if it’s just snacks/canapes you’ll still be lining your stomach
* Water. Once again the experts advise alternating one alcoholic drink with one water. Failing that knock back a couple of pints of water before you go to bed.
* Watch what you drink. Despite the pretty colours cocktails hit like a sledgehammer. Folklore suggests not mixing grape and grain and as the ditty goes ‘beer then wine, I feel fine. Wine then beer, I feel queer’.
The morning after
No one loves a martyr so take painkillers, however if they fail to take away the pain in your head use an icepack or bag of frozen peas wrapped in a towel - try 20 mins on and 10 min off. Scarily enough some swear by diarrhoea medication as it contains vitamins and minerals designed to keep you better hydrated, alternatively others believe in taking medication for sea sickness – particularly useful if you’ve been partying on a boat.
If you can find anyone that wants to be near you sex works; it burns calories and helps sweat out the alcohol, however sitting in a hot shower might be a more viable option. As a last resort there’s always kidney dialysis to filter your blood properly after a binge but in reality you’re better off just taking the day off work.
The problem here is that while the night before you were the most attractive, witty and entertaining person in the world, come the next morning you wake up with that sinking feeling. In order to avoid burying your head under the pillow here’s some useful advice;
Tell people you love them because you don’t, not really. This rule applies to work colleagues, bosses and perfect strangers.
Dance on anything but a dance floor, this rules out tables, bar counters and the middle of the road. Take your clothes off. No matter what your mates say it’s never a good idea.
Switch off your mobile phone, after a certain point in the evening no one will want to hear from you – not your partner, your ex partner and not even your parents. If you need reminding why this is a bad idea go to http://badassmofo.com/images/sorry.mp3. The same rule applies to texting.
If you have behaved badly then immediately apologise the morning after, a good rule of thumb is to pick a busy moment so you don’t have to linger and discuss the finer details of your performance.
Look out for cameras as there will always be one person keen on preserving those embarrassing moments for posterity.
Follow the buddy system. Find one person who is responsible for watching your back, whether that’s coming to find you in the toilet if you’ve been gone more than 15 minutes, taking your phone/car keys off you or steering you towards fresh air in a needy moment.
Have fun. This only happens once a year and you’ve managed to survive it before. Come 2007 you’ll be too poor to drink and can give your liver a good detox.